At night I get the urge to write. It goes away soon enough and it is no where to be found the next day. Doubts creep up. who will read this? why? why am I even writing it? is it nowhere or no where? everything is an obstacle too big to deal with and no writing happens.

Maybe at night I’m so tired none of those things matter.

Last nights motivation was so high that it carried into this morning. Only after 3 or 4 YouTube sessions, dealing with work, catching up with friends, winning 15 games of Magic Arena, sorting the laundry that had been drying for a couple of days, trying to clean the steel plate of a weight vest and watching a further YouTube video marked for watch later did I muster up the courage to write this (as a form of procrastinate on making lunch).

Was that even the right voice to write that in? don’t forget to capitalize stuff. At least the autocorrect catches the big mistakes.

We have been listening to a podcast called hardcore history. one thing the author talks about multiple times during the 10 hours we have listened to so far is how accounts of what happened come from people that wrote and recorded what happened, one of them was mostly a play writer with an audience of Greek people, others were Egyptian accountants. It made me think that humans have a drive in them that pushes them to create. I have found myself mostly consuming and barely creating, at least things that last.

One could argue that my jokes or thoughts count as creating but they feel ephemeral and lost to the wind.

Looking at paintings or sculptures makes me think that they are only admired now because they were groundbreaking at the time or because how few there are left. Nowadays better paintings and better sculptures can be made. Same for writing I guess.

So many books and blog posts are available right now. writing a new one feels like adding a drop to an ocean.

There is also the snapshot characteristic of the piece. I have always felt ashamed of what I created before since the me looking at it could do it better or doesn’t agree with it anymore. I can feel future me reading this right now and facepalming. should I persevere?

What about being judged? opinions expressed in paper and sent to the internet are forever stored, forever recorded and at the ready in case anyone wants to cancel you. the writing can be misinterpreted and what if this costs you an opportunity in life? the same argument could be made for the writing having the same change to grant you an opportunity. with so many unknowns it is hard to make a decision.

On why writing

Humanity exists and moving forward it can either be better or worse. It is a complex system and it is not clear how it will react to an stimulus, for example, another complex system might be a sick human, you administer medicine and it ends up making them worse, or in another case it makes them worse and then better? Humanity as a whole cant be studied like clinical trials that weed out which medicine only makes you worse.

My point is that I think Humanity should strive to be better because the alternative is to be worse, wither and die which we might as well do anyway so why not try the alternative.

One way to make humanity better is to educate them more, not with new facts or hard information but how to think better so they can make their own decisions. this can probably be expressed better.

Sharing of knowledge requires communication. The mediums I can think of are writing, audio and video. The one easiest to do is to just write and it is also one that in a blog form would allow for editing in the future.

So I think that is what I am going to do.